If you've ever experienced the "This-life-is-not-mine-trap",
felt like you are a minor character of your own story and just being a permanent visitor on other peoples path
with no home for yourself,
If you experience life through some kind of grey fog
being moved by expectations of your external environment that do not equal your inner burning core...
if you´re driven by your every day problems instead of your inner alignment to your dreams and visions
and at some point you adapted plan B for your life while you vaguely remember
that there once had been a plan A
If you want to breath again
then my story is for you.
My job as a child had been to be invisible. I was busy with not disturbing anyone. When my parents screamed at me, slapped me and my classmates bullied me I felt like they where right and I simply hat to surrender and shut up. I grew up in survival mode and a black cloud of fear and depression followed me wherever I went.
Through all those years I carried this weight of not deserving joy, freedom and happiness and especially of not deserving to really be IMPORTANT and someone that is a PRIORITY. I learned that I was not allowed to go for my dreams because I had to surrender to other people's moods. All I could do was waiting for a prince to finally save me. And so slowly I myself also adapted to not take myself as my priority at all. I fest lost because I thought I had no power and that the power to save me lied in the hands of a savior I've never met before.
But deep down inside something in me knew: THIS IS NOT OKAY. I am not made just to be a mirror and a projection surface to somebody else's egos and their own film drama.
I will not give up until I found what I was made for.
I will not rest until I found my calling, my strength
until I found MY LIFE.
One day when I was a young woman my dad looked at me and he said:
"Do you know why your name is "Sarah Jael"? The name Sarah means princes and mistress. You've got that shit together. Jael means "mountain goat" and the original root of the word means "climb up". We gave your this names because you will reach everything you want and go forward where others quit."
That was one of those moments I realized that all that stuff about "there is more" was true.
So I finally took this little seed of the rest of tenacity of life I had. I left my home and went out to find what I was looking for.
First it looked like I was losing it all. With my unconscious mind I followed old habits and traditions of my belief systems and ended up in marriage and motherhood, running to church every Sunday and being a GOOD GIRL living a vision of my pastor, my parents, my husband and the god that I thought who wanted me to be perfect and especially silent in order to be loved.
I reached the point where I felt my inner divine spark seemed to be just a memory. I felt like being moved like a puppet. I was not in the driver seat of my own story at all. My depression reached its highest point when something in me took control and with a final last rebellious try to get myself out of this situation I fell in love with another man. On one hand for the first time for years I could say "I can FEEL myself again." But on the other hand I felt like in the eyes of my family, my church, my pastor and also myself I completely failed. The people around me could not understand what I was going through and withdrew from me. I ended up in a terrible burnout. At this lowest point of my life I realized I had to go back to plan A radically which meant to make a decision for MYSELF for the first time in my life or otherwise there's no chance to ever really get happy and fulfilled. It was the time to make the decision of not making any false compromise anymore.
Since I can remember I was a writer. My mom wrote in her diary "Sarah talks too much". So I stopped talking although my soul was full of passion and a drive to express. I shut down and hide my light behind a curtain of sadness, depression and looking like a little grey goose amongst hundreds of white swans.
But my inner river found its way: I did not quit writing. I wrote and wrote and wrote. And at some day in the toughest time of my life where I had to face all my fails and failure and also the harm that was done to me I realized: I am the creator of my life. Nobody else has the right to embed and direct my inner river except me. My fire is worth being protected. I can change my whole story. I can plant the seeds I want and grow my own plants. It is my garden. And my river will nourish my trees. It is my decision whether I listen to what others think of me - or whether I listen to my inner voice that clearly tells me where my path leads me. I CAN heal. I CAN be whole. I CAN find out my own core values. I CAN DO WHAT I WISH TO DO. EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE. So I started to be radically honest to myself. What did I really really want? How should my life look like? Could it be that all the blessings and all my dreams are meant to come true instead of being buried in this big black cloud of depression? Could I maybe be able to bring life to this dead bones again? I wrote and wrote and wrote. Since this time I never stopped again.
And it changed everything.
I took and developed the resources that life had given to me. My gift to write, an unbreakable will, my passion for alignment and clarity, my rebellious heart, imagination.
Today my life looks exactly than everything I wrote down before. In the beginning there's a dream. This dream finds its way to reality on paper in the first step.
I got two wonderful kids, a partner, I live in two countries, I have wonderful faithful friends, a vision and the strength to go through every hard situation with a grateful heart full of faith. I started my business as a creative-writing lifecoach. I turned my whole story into a blessing of joy and abundance. My writing skills turned out to be a gift to the world, my clients and the people around me. But especially I got the understanding of the most important thing: I found the love of my Life with... ME. Making peace and choosing myself first always made a massive and lasting shift: I FOUND MY HOME.
This is the secret I uncovered for me: Everything is about living a life of ALL IN by FULLY OPENING UP AND GIVING YOUR LAST HIDDEN 10 %. These 10% is the place in your heart where you are most vulnerable - and most powerful at the same time.
It is my joy to accompany people in giving birth to their dreams, reaching healing and creating the life they really want. I am so passionate about seeing the inner core of individuals burn. They know what they are living for. They are part of the solution. They spread love and blessing wherever they go.
Our words, thoughts and actions create the reality we live in.
Let´s come back to plan A.
You may ask: Why the heck WRITING? What makes it that special?
The paper, is the place where magic happens.
No exaggeration - everything I wrote down I`ve ever wished for HAPPENED in reality (and if it didn't happen I found out that I did not really really want it). The point is this:
1.) Writing works like a mirror:
Once you found out and wrote down your deepest inner truth about any imaginable situation to yourself you cannot ignore it anymore. That brings you into a state of alignment with who you are and what you want from life. You can create anything. The only thing is to make sure you know where you actually start and what is the next step to go from there. Most important is you get to know yourself. You work OUT and WITH what's going on in there. Every thought, every feeling, every emotion is a tool and a precious seed. If you saw it, water it, nourish it it will turn out to be a beautiful plant in the garden of your life.
2.) Writing works like an exercise mat:
The paper is the place where you find the courage to do whatever is required to reach your goal. That means it is a safe place. Nothing can happen. You can say ANYTHING here. You can imagine. Finish thoughts and stories and see the outcome, the finished plant in the seed before your actually saw it in real life. Your can play around on this playground and familiarize with new ideas, situations, dreams. It can be about anything: Being more creative. Being healed from past experiences. Finding out what makes you really happy. Getting your dream partner. Building a house, a family, a home. Making peace with people or reaching the freedom to leave. Experiencing miracles. Moving to another place. Learning how to act more in love. Just getting peace. Whatever it is. Sometimes the trip may be a bit longer than you expected and it will challenge you from the moment on you wrote it down. But the earlier you start, the earlier you will reach your goal. And once you get to the point where the thing called "flow" kicks in from the perspective of my experience I promise: Your live and also your heart will look like one whole miracle - all made by YOURSELF. Because you decided to partner with the simple laws of truth, love and abundance.
3.) Writing is a manifestation tool:
To be honest... It´s not that NOTHING happens like I said in point 2.) Actually it happens a lot when you write stuff down. Once you
are deeply connected with the content, when you let it flow from the inside of your heart, when you are really honest to yourself and do not censor and ignore the truth of what you
wish for - writing it down is already the second step of manifesting it into real life.
The first step was thinking it. The second is to write it down and with that embracing and integrating it and to consider it to become reality. With that the thought becomes tangible material. It has a body made out of ink, filled with life energy. It can be seen and touched. That is absolutely marvelous.
4.) Writing is a form of meditation:
While you write you are present, conscious, you do something creative with your body, you connect both with the world outside and even more with your inside world. You can calm down, relief stress, release worries and stuck emotions, you can find peace with yourself and current complicate life situations. You can find back home in the moment, in the body, in the soul. You may think that writing requires to be in the mind instead of being in the body which would be contra-productive. But the opposite is true: Writing, done in the good, healthy way, is, also like experiencing life itself, NOT pushing. NOT labouring. NOT stressing out. IT IS LISTENING. RECEIVING. BEING STILL AND FULL OF TRUST.
Join me in this great travel and see what is possible.